In my life I have learned to "never" say "never" because invaribly the thing I say "never" about is the very thing that I do....Well, this time I really, really, really mean it....I will never take my daughter to Walmart again! (at least not without adult reinforcements!) Oh my...it was a day. And I should know better...but apparently not.
I won't tell you about all the moments because quite honestly I don't have the energy left...but I will say the the final moment ended with her laying prostrate right in the middle of the exit door...and yes, of course there were other people wanting to leave besides us. Of course at the moment she started I thought of "queen mommy" whose blog I read just the other day "choose your battles" .... honestly I was in a no win situation...If I picked her up and moved her, the store might have thought they were under attack with the amount of noise Tori would have made...not to mention the kicking, hitting and scratching that would have occurred...going on and walking out seemed like the most reasonable answer...you know call her bluff....but by this time there was too big of an audience...so I tried reasoning...which didn't work very well, until the lady behind me told Victoria she might have to run over her, so she should really obey her mommy. It did get her to move to the side. I can't tell you exactly how I finally got her to move only that it was relatively quiet and I have never been so relieved to get out of Walmart in my life.
Of course putting her in her car seat only set her off more and she screamed so loud, people across the parking lot ( I mean way across the parking lot) were looking around to see if a child was being beaten...
Some of you know my son Sam, he is the most patient longsuffering person I have ever met...he just never complains or says much about these times. I tell you this so you know this day must of been way over the top....because once I got into the car, he looked over at me and asked, "Mom, when Victoria gets like this do you ever feel like doing something?....I mean, do you just want to slap her or something?"
I am requesting prayer for this weekend...we will be traveling to see my prodigal son at Teen Challenge. We have not seen him for 30 days and it will be a very special reunion...Pray that Tori will have a peaceful spirit and that the travel will not cause her too much anxiety so that we can have a good visit.
I'm off to bed.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
The journey home begins....
Heard my sweet boys voice for the first time in about 28 days today...it sounded so good. He is doing well. Said there have been "some days" but for the most part it has been good. He gave us a list of things he needed us to bring and a request for his favorite from "Passage to India"...Curried lamb...spice it up and add an order of nonbread. :) Praise be to God! The journey home has begun...after five long years....he's headed back home. I cannot even put into words what this means to me. I'm not even sure I know yet.
Sunday, I will see my son for the first time in I don't know how long...drug and alcohol free! Clear eyes, clear mind, clear spirit! Hallelujah!
The hours are dragging by....O LORD, may you speed time up!
There were so many moments I wondered if this journey would end up with me, our family and friends standing over a casket mourning....even now my heart aches for those who this is their story! But Sunday I will not be standing over my son's casket but I will be hugging his neck (probably crying like a baby) and rejoicing! Thank You LORD!
Thank you to every person who has been our "Threshing Sledge"...Your prayers have torn down a mountain!
Tonight I sleep in peace...May you also do the same!
Sunday, I will see my son for the first time in I don't know how long...drug and alcohol free! Clear eyes, clear mind, clear spirit! Hallelujah!
The hours are dragging by....O LORD, may you speed time up!
There were so many moments I wondered if this journey would end up with me, our family and friends standing over a casket mourning....even now my heart aches for those who this is their story! But Sunday I will not be standing over my son's casket but I will be hugging his neck (probably crying like a baby) and rejoicing! Thank You LORD!
Thank you to every person who has been our "Threshing Sledge"...Your prayers have torn down a mountain!
Tonight I sleep in peace...May you also do the same!
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Good news from Teen Challenge
God is so good!! Yesterday Teen Challenge called and I was able to hear a few sentences about Holden and also find out that we can visit him this weekend! Woo hoo! :) They said he was doing great and that he was really wanting the change. He cut his hair again with the clippers...I wonder if he has a buzz cut? They work outside a lot in the afternoons so I imagine he was needing a cooler hair cut...he has REALLY thick hair.
We are leaving Saturday for Lawrence. We won't be able to see him until Sunday but thought this way we would not have to get up so early on Sunday. We are going to the church he is attending and then going back to TC afterwards. Time is ticking by...I can't wait!!! Tony keeps telling me not to set my expectations too high...but I know the God I serve and the amazing works he has already done!!! I know the faithfulness he has shown these last five years! He has protected Holden so many times, he has spared us so many things! The journey has been long but God has been with us all the way through it. And He does not waste anything! What our enemy hoped would end in tragedy and heartbreak, I BELIEVE God will work for amazing Good for the glory of his kingdom! He is doing a new thing (I do perceive it!) and I can't wait to see how he "makes the way in the wasteland and streams in the desert!"
So if there are any parents out there with Prodigals who stumble upon this silly blog...may I just speak words of hope and peace unto you...PRAY for your prodigal child...pray God's word over them, pray morning, noon and night and in between, pray without ceasing, Get alone with God and ask Him to give you the words from his WORD to cling to, to pray, to hope in! He is faithful!
What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? Romans 8:31-32 He loves our prodigals!!! He is with them....even in their dark places they walk and take their minds! I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night— but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you. Psalm 139:11-12
Well, my little people are waking up and so I better move on into my day....Blessings to everyone.
We are leaving Saturday for Lawrence. We won't be able to see him until Sunday but thought this way we would not have to get up so early on Sunday. We are going to the church he is attending and then going back to TC afterwards. Time is ticking by...I can't wait!!! Tony keeps telling me not to set my expectations too high...but I know the God I serve and the amazing works he has already done!!! I know the faithfulness he has shown these last five years! He has protected Holden so many times, he has spared us so many things! The journey has been long but God has been with us all the way through it. And He does not waste anything! What our enemy hoped would end in tragedy and heartbreak, I BELIEVE God will work for amazing Good for the glory of his kingdom! He is doing a new thing (I do perceive it!) and I can't wait to see how he "makes the way in the wasteland and streams in the desert!"
So if there are any parents out there with Prodigals who stumble upon this silly blog...may I just speak words of hope and peace unto you...PRAY for your prodigal child...pray God's word over them, pray morning, noon and night and in between, pray without ceasing, Get alone with God and ask Him to give you the words from his WORD to cling to, to pray, to hope in! He is faithful!
What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? Romans 8:31-32 He loves our prodigals!!! He is with them....even in their dark places they walk and take their minds! I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night— but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you. Psalm 139:11-12
Well, my little people are waking up and so I better move on into my day....Blessings to everyone.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Life changes....
Life has changed dramatically since my last post. I have two new children (adopted in December of 2007), Victoria, now three years old and Aaron, two years old. My sweet prodigal son made a decision to get help and went to Teen Challenge (The threshing sledge in action! :).
I won't even try to catch up and tell all the wonderful stories, the hard stories and lessons learned just since last February! But I am going to try this blog thing one more time.
Holden has been at Teen Challenge since June 27th. We can't have any contact with him for 30 days and let me say it has been excruciatingly painful!!! I think and wonder about him constantly! I pray often and hope with great expectancy! The other day God breathed a new word into my quiet time...
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. " Isaiah 43:18-19
Doesn't that make you smile :) God is so faithful! It just makes me wonder what is coming next! I know throughout this last five years He has been true to his word everytime!!!! So I will just wait and keep hoping!
The journey of adoption has provided some of the greatest and happiest moments of our lives but also the hardest! Knitting two new little souls into a family is just not something that happens overnight or without conflict....as usual the LORD is showing me my own dross in this journey...he is revealing to me my own selfishness, impatience and the need to grow in my faith. I have so much to learn!
I know this, that Victoria and Aaron were ordained to be in this family! Though I did not give birth to them they are a part of me....they fit here....there are HARD days, but I can't imagine life without them!
Well, for now I will close but hopefully I will do better keeping up with this.
I won't even try to catch up and tell all the wonderful stories, the hard stories and lessons learned just since last February! But I am going to try this blog thing one more time.
Holden has been at Teen Challenge since June 27th. We can't have any contact with him for 30 days and let me say it has been excruciatingly painful!!! I think and wonder about him constantly! I pray often and hope with great expectancy! The other day God breathed a new word into my quiet time...
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. " Isaiah 43:18-19
Doesn't that make you smile :) God is so faithful! It just makes me wonder what is coming next! I know throughout this last five years He has been true to his word everytime!!!! So I will just wait and keep hoping!
The journey of adoption has provided some of the greatest and happiest moments of our lives but also the hardest! Knitting two new little souls into a family is just not something that happens overnight or without conflict....as usual the LORD is showing me my own dross in this journey...he is revealing to me my own selfishness, impatience and the need to grow in my faith. I have so much to learn!
I know this, that Victoria and Aaron were ordained to be in this family! Though I did not give birth to them they are a part of me....they fit here....there are HARD days, but I can't imagine life without them!
Well, for now I will close but hopefully I will do better keeping up with this.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Friday, February 9, 2007
Reflections the week
Life is just hard. Even on a regular day it can be hard. We're dealing with some things with our 18 year old son and praise the Lord it could be worse....far worse...but none the less...hard!!! But God has been so faithful! He keeps giving us glimpses of his hand working.
Just last week I was weary. I prayed and asked the Lord to just grant me a glimpse of what He was doing....I know even in the hard, the trials, even my failures He is working...but I needed to see something...call it a lack of faith...maybe not a total lack...but I guess I just needed a little encouragement.
God is so faithful and good. He answered my request several times but one He really pointed out to me. It had been a really hard week and I had procrastinated getting Emma's birthday party all put together including inviting all her friends. Determining that I didn't want Emma to think I was the worst mother ever, I made a phone call to invite one of her friends. Well, I believe the timing of that phone call was ordained. As I spoke with my friend (the mother of my daughter's friend) she began to share with me some struggles that they were having with their teen. In that conversation the Spirit of God began pouring out all the verses of Scripture God has given me, all the lessons, all the words of hope and faith, everything he had used these last four years during our journey with our teen...he spoke through me as a cry for courage, a cry of hope, and a battle cry to fight for our children. It was a long conversation and God was not only ministering through me but to me.
Later that day, I heard a whisper in my soul, "Tonia, did you see it? I gave you a glimpse." I realized hat God was showing me His glory-the glory of surviving the pain and grief, the glory of fighting the good fight of faith and the glory of passing it on to others. It is my Life story and though it is not over--it is God's glory and honor and in that moment I realized that though the enemy is trying to kill, steal and destroy our family...what he means for evil...Our God and Saviour is using to make us and mold us and use it to encourage others to trust Him to follow him and to bring Him glory!!! Hallelujah!
Four years ago before our journey began God started breathing in Isaiah 41:10 to me...many who follow Him, have this one memorized.."Fear not for I am with you, Be not dismayed for I am your God. I will help you, I will strengthen you I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
I did not realize how much I would cling to these words, how often they would minister hope and courage to me and that nearly four years later I would still need them so desperately. This last year he has had me reading on in chapter 41 and he has given me even more words to hold onto...And throughout this week I have seen it in action....
Just last week I was weary. I prayed and asked the Lord to just grant me a glimpse of what He was doing....I know even in the hard, the trials, even my failures He is working...but I needed to see something...call it a lack of faith...maybe not a total lack...but I guess I just needed a little encouragement.
God is so faithful and good. He answered my request several times but one He really pointed out to me. It had been a really hard week and I had procrastinated getting Emma's birthday party all put together including inviting all her friends. Determining that I didn't want Emma to think I was the worst mother ever, I made a phone call to invite one of her friends. Well, I believe the timing of that phone call was ordained. As I spoke with my friend (the mother of my daughter's friend) she began to share with me some struggles that they were having with their teen. In that conversation the Spirit of God began pouring out all the verses of Scripture God has given me, all the lessons, all the words of hope and faith, everything he had used these last four years during our journey with our teen...he spoke through me as a cry for courage, a cry of hope, and a battle cry to fight for our children. It was a long conversation and God was not only ministering through me but to me.
Later that day, I heard a whisper in my soul, "Tonia, did you see it? I gave you a glimpse." I realized hat God was showing me His glory-the glory of surviving the pain and grief, the glory of fighting the good fight of faith and the glory of passing it on to others. It is my Life story and though it is not over--it is God's glory and honor and in that moment I realized that though the enemy is trying to kill, steal and destroy our family...what he means for evil...Our God and Saviour is using to make us and mold us and use it to encourage others to trust Him to follow him and to bring Him glory!!! Hallelujah!
Four years ago before our journey began God started breathing in Isaiah 41:10 to me...many who follow Him, have this one memorized.."Fear not for I am with you, Be not dismayed for I am your God. I will help you, I will strengthen you I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
I did not realize how much I would cling to these words, how often they would minister hope and courage to me and that nearly four years later I would still need them so desperately. This last year he has had me reading on in chapter 41 and he has given me even more words to hold onto...And throughout this week I have seen it in action....
See, I will make you into a threshing sledge,
new and sharp, with many teeth.
You will thresh the mountains and crush them,
and reduce the hills to chaff.
You will winnow them, the wind will pick them up ,
and a gale will blow them away.
But you will rejoice in the LORD,
and glory in the Holy One of Israel.
Isaiah 41:15-16
A while back God gave me a visual of this verse in that The many sharp teeth are our prayers...as we pray we are crushing mountains and reducing them to chaff....Eventually they will be blown away....My mountain... a wonderful son with a prodigal heart...I have been incredibly blessed with many friends who are joining me in praying for my son! This last week I believe we have gotten close to making that "mountain" a "hill". The body of Christ in Action!
Thanks to God and Thanks to those who have become my "Threshing Sledge!" I "will rejoice in the LORD, and glory in the Holy One of Israel!"
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Just getting started
I had a few moments today between teaching Sam (Emma is sick) so I was reading Tony and Sarah's blogs. I started thinking this is kind of fun and maybe I should try blogging...so here I sit typing and wondering if I have anything to say. Well, I always have something to say. Hence, the title of my page. I have plenty of words to use up...I'm sure Tony (my husband) will be happy to find out I might have a few less words at the end of his day. lol
I don't know much about blogging or blog sites. In fact Tony and Sarah's are really the first I have ever seen. I'm wondering how many people actually read other people's blogs? I see there is a place for comments so I am assuming that others can comment on what you write about or anything else they desire to comment. I sure hope everyone keeps it nice....
I don't know much about blogging or blog sites. In fact Tony and Sarah's are really the first I have ever seen. I'm wondering how many people actually read other people's blogs? I see there is a place for comments so I am assuming that others can comment on what you write about or anything else they desire to comment. I sure hope everyone keeps it nice....
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